If to you, this is a question without an immediate answer then somewhere, subconsciously or otherwise, part of you must wish to forgive your partner.  If you were 100% certain, without any qualms that you should most definitely not forgive such indiscretions, then you would not even be considering the question.  Licking your wounds as you start your new life, you would be moving on after the painful goodbyes.  Trust might or might not be an issue with your future relationships; this will probably depend on how you dealt with past indiscretions.    What do you do if you aren’t sure of your answer to the question?

Firstly, above all else, you need to examine your cheating partners character.  Have they cheated on their previous partners?  Have they cheated on you before?  Are they too caught up in their own self-indulgence to renounce any sexual gratifications that they happen upon?  Are they weak but well meaning?  Most people will face temptation at some time in their life, unless they are totally grotesque.  The ability to truly care about another person’s feelings takes self-discipline, willpower and having the backbone to say NO.  Does your partner have all of those characteristics?  If the answer is no, forget it and move on.

Assuming, that, for whatever reason, you believe your partner is capable of being faithful and his/her infidelity was a one off, you need to explore the reasons for their conduct.  The cause is important than the actual deed.  Are you aware of the reason for their infidelity?  It may be that steering clear of similar triggers is a way to avoid a recurrence.  Was your partner pushed into looking for love elsewhere because you became emotionally or physically aloof?  We are a species of love hungry individuals.  If we don’t feel loved, then our whole essence dies and eventually the body will follow.  This is proven when an old couple die within a short time of each other.  Research has also proven that without their mothers, baby monkeys don’t thrive. 

We all need love.  Love is the unparalleled incentive.  You have to look at what triggered the infidelity.  You may want to walk away from your relationship if you can say, hand on heart, that you were totally supportive, loyal, loving and respectful and yet your partner still cheated on you.  Should your partner explain the reason for their infidelity and you can honestly say that the explanation is justifiable, then forgive them.  However, you should not forgive them if their explanation is suspect or a complete fabrication. 

Secondly you need to look at what you stand to lose.  You have to think about the lifestyle you have with your partner and what it means to you.  Do you have kids?  Were you married or together a long time?  Are you and your partner involved in a business together?  What other assets should be considered?  Could you leave your partner if you would lose everything that you love, even though you feel that your partner cannot be trusted to be faithful in the future?  Only you are capable of answering those questions.  You have to decide if you can put up with a way of life where you cannot trust a loved one, or where you are being continually cheated on or do you. 

Do you think that your relationship with your partner, the marital assets, the business or the money is worth all the heartache and upset of staying with an unfaithful partner?  Perhaps you don’t mind where your partner sleeps and you have a marriage of convenience, and if your partner is your one true love then it will most certainly be simpler and less painful to forgive their indiscretions.  However, having your heart broken whether it be by leaving the person you love or by staying with them and having to live with the lies and the cheating, does put your health at risk.  Initially it affects you emotionally but eventually it can lead to deterioration in your physical well being too.

I’m sure that you are aware that grounds for choosing not to forgive and forget are plentiful.  Perhaps you feel, that to your children, your spouse is an excellent parent and together you have fashioned a reasonable life together.  You may feel that because you were distant or pushed your partner away that you are partly or as much to blame for your partner’s infidelity.  Maybe you do want to forgive your partner for their indiscretions, do you think you could?  It isn’t always easy to do, no matter how much you want to.  You might find that you just keep pushing them away even if your partner wants to work things out and endeavours to resolve the heartache they have caused you.  So how do you forgive and forget?  Everyone will have different ideas on this, turn the other cheek we are told in the bible, but how on earth do you do that?  Saying I forgive you doesn’t mean you actually do. 

To forgive someone for his or her misdemeanours you must be able to trust that person.  To be able to truly forgive someone you have to believe deep within you, that you can trust this person never to betray you and cause you all that pain and heartache again. If you don’t believe that you can trust your partner again then the anger, pain, betrayal, indignation and bitterness will gradually consume you and destroy the remnants of your relationship.

Personally, I think that your partner’s behaviour after the incident is indicative of how difficult or easy it will be for you to forgive them. Perhaps your partner is trying to bully or intimidate you.  This will mostly be verbal, saying things like “I’ve already said sorry.  How often are you going to keep bringing that up?  I’m not going to keep apologising for the rest of my life, get over it!”  Maybe your partner assiduously regrets the hurt, upset, anguish and distress they have caused you.  Your partner might be bending over backwards to show you that they are sorry and that they regret their infidelity and they are able to demonstrate that they have learnt from their mistakes and will do anything to make sure there is never a repetition of this incident. 

If they are able to share with you the pain and heartache that they feel because they have caused you, through their actions, to feel hurt and distressed, it may well have an effect on your ability to rebuild your trust in them.  However should they do nothing to show any regret at betraying you, or that they are not totally responsible for destroying the trust you had in them and they simply expect you to trust them on their word, then you have to leave them.  Words are all very easy to say, but to show you really mean them you have to follow through with the actions too. 

You have to remember that even though you might not have been as supportive or loving as you might have been, you are not responsible for your partner destroying the trust you once had between you.  Trust isn’t something you can make yourself do, trust has to be earned.  It is your partners undertaking to restore that trust.