Look at the conk on that!

So its that time again. Time for the TV phenomenon, also known as Celebrity Big Brother. So, whats all that about then? This time, we have been graced with the company of:

The summary of Celebrity Big Brother this year seems to be Jodie Marsh talking about sex non-stop and Dennis Rodman being simply gross. If he isn't coming across as a blatant pervert, then Dennis is usually doing something equally revolting such as pissing in a bathroom sink or forcing himself on some female... and he isn't overly fussy as to which one he does it with. Of course, he is just satisfying his inner craving to roger anything female (you know the feeling fellas!) but his behaviour is completely cringe-worthy. When I see him behaving the way he does around women, it makes me wanna feel embarrassed on his behalf! Grow up man and keep your hormones under control.

If I had to choose somebody I like this time round, I am shocked to find that I actually quite like Michael Barrymore. I have never really disliked the guy to be honest, but having heard several of his comments on the show, I think he is one of the few people in there with morals and a sense of decency. Of course, Jodie Marsh wouldn't know "decency" if it jumped up and bit her on her fake-tanned arse. She is too busy talking about having group sex with anything male. Dirty, revolting tart that she is.

George Galloway seems a pretty top bloke and although I don't delve into politics, unless its to slate some overpaid government plum, I think as a guy George is pretty ok. I especially liked it when he knocked back Jodie Marsh's offer of an orgy. Bet she never expected to be turned down, on TV and in front of all those viewers, by a bloke old enough to be her dad. Good on you George... it will make her realise that she IS resistible. I can certainly resist her... she is vile!

Pete Burns.... well, what can we say apart from "odd". I'm not a big believer in all this cross dressing nonsense and to be fair, id rather be stoned to death than dress in women's clothes, however, it doesn't bother me that others want to. But that doesn't mean i'm not entitled to find it odd. Strange "man" is that Pete Burns!

As for Maggot (and I wont ask why they call him that... but can guess) why doesn't he just use his real name? I mean, it is a bit weird to potter around asking people to call you Maggot, as opposed to Nigel (his real name... and no wonder he prefers Maggot!). I'm not entirely sure who he is, although I have heard of his band. Seems an ok sort of bloke I guess...nothing special though. Just the type of kid you'd beat up in school!

What can we say about Preston Samuel? Erm... fancies himself and thinks the rest of the world should too. When he isn't busy swearing to try and make himself sound cool, he he usually busy slobbering over some tarty female in the Big Brother house. All in all... a bit of an arse!

That Chantelle Houghton bird is just a simple girl (and I mean simple in the head!) who is too busy telling other people how beautiful she is to notice that other people DO actually exist. Full of her own self importance, Chantelle is usually found sucking the face of the other self-loving person, Preston. Perfect couple if you ask me. They are both so wrapped up in themselves that hopefully, if they got together, they would lock themselves away in their own little self important world and leave us real folk to get on with our lives. After all, we are simply not good-looking enough. Daft pair of arseholes. Get a grip. Neither of you are anything special. I have seen better than both of you, walking down the street shopping.

So, who do I think will win this time? My bet is with George or Rula. Both seem to have the respect of the public and just because they don't like to watch or hear people talking non-stop about sex, doesn't mean the public will hate them. I think we will all be surprised to find that many of the public actually support their views.. especially where I come from.

Jody Marsh was sensationally voted out of the Big Brother house by the viewers. That makes her the first celebrity to leave the big brother house this year. Jody Marsh, Pete Burns and George Galloway were all put forward for eviction by the British public. Jody hated both Pete and George, so it was one in the eye for her to be voted out first, over them.

Of course Jody Marsh couldn't have just been kicked out of the Celebrity Big Brother house because she is an annoying tart who preaches the about how she is being "picked on" by everybody. Oh no, she had to blame the fact she was singled out from day one. Face it Jody, the only reason you were voted out is because the British public simply don't like you. You are a hypocrite. You say you don't want to be seen as just some slutty tart, yet at almost every opportunity, you whip your boobs out or discuss your many orgies and sexual fantasies. Lets face it love, you are no angel, so why try and behave like butter wouldn't melt in your mouth? People just don't like sluts... its really that simple!

Tomorrow, TV legend Jimmy Saville of the 80's show "Jim'll Fix It" fame, will visit the Celebrity Big Brother house and try to fix one house mates wishes before leaving. He will not spend the night in the Big Brother house. Apparently, he is set to take in his own goodies.... baked beans and his trademark cigars. Good on you Jimmy... nice to see an old face!

We at UK Central are in discussion with Jimmy about visiting our offices to discuss his opinions on Celebrity Big Brother and his views on UK Central in general. Watch this space!

------ 18th Jan 06 Celebrity Big Brother Update! ------

Second out.. Faria

So Faria has been evicted from the Big Brother house, making her the second celebrity to leave the house so far. Faria tended to be the quieter of the housemates the majority of the time. She did, however, have what looked to be a twinkle in her eye for Dennis (you know, the 8 foot sexual predator!). Wonder if she will be waiting for him on the outside, when the show is over.

Of course, Dennis is gutted that Faria got voted out, as she was his only prospect of sex whilst in the house, as she actually paid him some attention. Dennis, who controversially took 2 condoms into the house, obviously fancied his chances of pulling whilst there. Sadly, the guy has all the grace and tact of a bull in a china shop, so frankly, I cant see him his using his protection.... especially as far as Chantelle is concerned, who seems to dislike Dennis's perving about as much as I do.

Lets se if Faria will be there waiting for Dennis on the outside. I wouldn't hold your breath, to be honest!


------ 20th Jan 06 Celebrity Big Brother Update! ------

Rula.. third out

Tonight, Rula was sensationally evicted from the Big Brother house. George and Preston put forward Rula's name during a punishment session where they had to decide who has to leave. Rula was both shocked and hurt when she found out that George has dropped her in it and back-stabbed her, along with Preston, in the diary room.

So, its goodbye for Rula. No more playing Mother Hen for you